Alas, our dear Guy About Town John Gough is going to be absent next week as he's jetting off to Monaco. Now I love London but I certainly wouldn't be saying no to a yacht, and sometimes even the biggest party animals need a break! So make the most of this week's blog and he'll be back in a fortnight to regale us with more tales from the party front line. To make up for the fact he's on holiday, he's managed to cram more celebrities, parties and madcap fun into one week than ever before! Thanks John, have a great holiday...

I thought I was going to struggle to write my blog this week after my brand new Macbook went bang a couple of days ago, but here I am! Right, I have to confess to still being absolutely, completely, 100% drunk while I sit down to write this, so I hope it makes sense readers! Last night I hooked up with my new self-appointed security guard (I know, I know, but I’ve told you before about my stalkers and some of you that use Facebook have even created me a Fan Club *blush*) and he escorted me and a friend to a few fabulous clubs. So much for looking after me! He poured vodka down my neck and forced me to drink sambuca from the biggest glass you’ve ever seen then. Ahwell – just another quiet midweek night out for me! I need a holiday to recover from it all, which is fortunate as I’m jetting out to join a friend on his yacht in Monaco at the weekend. It’s a hard life…

Celebrity Spots
Regular blog readers will remember last time I was at Le Caprice I was rather excited to spot Sir Elton John. Well, on Saturday night, I popped in for dinner with a few friends and the wonderful maitre d, took me over to the bar to say hello to the lovely Joan Collins. I met her once before in rather less glamorous surroundings (a bar opening next to a smelly canal in Birmingham), and she had the good grace to pretend to remember when I pointed this out. She looked absolutely flawless, with the brightest red lipstick I’ve ever seen. I think she rocks!

In case you’ve not noticed, it’s Wimbledon season and naturally I made a cameo at the start of the week at the VIP tent sponsored by Evian. Thinking a tent sponsored by a water company might be a little dull, I was pretty pleased to spot Rhys Ifans knocking back the Champagne in a corner. He looked pretty well considering the newspaper stories about his depression over the split with Sienna, wearing a cool bright yellow jumper and a trilby. The Primrose Hill set was well represented as Rhys was flanked by Jamie Hince and Davinia Taylor. I spotted Kimberley Stewart in the crowd too, wearing an ugly oversized brown dress. God only knows where she found that, but it looked distinctly like she’d been rummaging around at jumble sales.

And finally for this week, I rocked up to the Calleija jewellery store launch at the Royal Arcade the other night. I only had a few minutes as I was late for dinner at Cipriani, but I was delighted to see Claudia Schiffer there in a stunning midnight blue cocktail dress, and some fabulous shoes that were getting all the attention on the red carpet. Buoyed by alcohol, I ambled over to tell her that I frequently see her dashing about in Notting Hill, then wondered to myself why she walked away shortly after. Then I realised I sounded like a stalker - her coldness made a lot more sense!

Top Club
I told you a few weeks ago about a great party for Karen Millen at Automat Club. The club is pretty hard to get into but I headed there for the top secret (whoops, cat out of the bag now…) soft launch of their new bar. The dramatic dark wood panelling and funky ‘50s vibe make this place so much fun to be in, and the staff would do anything to make sure you have a good night. If you can’t get into the club, check out the food in the equally enticing Automat restaurant instead. I was treated to a few trade secrets about their menu by one of the head honchos behind the venue, and all I can say is you haven’t tried steak until you sample their incredible New York Striploin. The club’s where you want to be though, so if you can pull the right strings, go now! I’ll bring you all the gossip on this venue’s ambitious future plans as soon as my man in the know down there lets me!

Top Bar
Green Carnation on Greek Street has flourished in its first few months, attracting Pat Field for a private party on the night of the Sex and the City premiere and winning Best Gay Venue at the recent Club Awards. As well as the coolest parties every week, they run a great weekly film extravaganza on Sunday afternoons from 4pm, called Sinna Ma. It’s a great idea, and what better way to work off the hangover from a heavy weekend than with some retro films and a cocktail?

The Big News
You can’t have failed to notice that my hero Nelson Mandela is in town. Prisoner 46664 is inviting 46,664 of us to join him to celebrate his 90th birthday in Hyde Park today with music from Leona Lewis (can’t stand her but several million of you voted for her, so you can’t all be wrong), the gorgeous Sugababes and the effortlessly cool Annie Lennox. I’m going down to check out the proceedings, and must admit I was rather hoping the Spice Girls would come back out of retirement for a one-off after the Great Man asked them to, but I posed the question to the gorgeous Emma Bunton a couple of weeks ago and she said there wasn’t a chance of it happening, although she’d be there on the day with her baby, Beau, and Geri Halliwell. Check out the charity that the concert’s in aid of and if you can’t make the fun in the park, there are after parties at every venue you can name. I’ll be checking out the one at Embassy London.

Wicked Whispers
Some stories are just too hot to handle, but I don’t like to think of you all missing out on the gossip, so let’s play a guessing game!

Firstly, can anyone guess which club on Dover Street might be going-going-gone soon, to be replaced by a strip joint? I’ll fill you in as soon as I hear more! Watch out in my next blog for the big news on a top secret opening on Park Lane too, which is sure to rattle a few cages at new hotspot Whisky Mist.

Also, I had lunch with a certain Hollywood A-Gay this week. I teased him about the quality of some of his films, and he teased me about my famous yellow jeans. I’ll let you in on who it was next time I see him, so watch out for that, but if you want to guess now have a look back over my previous blogs and watch out for my random Soho shopping encounter with this fella…

Top 5
These are the places I’m rating right now.
1. Mint Leaf
Even hardcore clubbers have to eat sometimes, but it’s nice if you can accompany it with some lovely cocktails. Check this place out for the gorgeous baby lamb shanks. I’ll bring you all the gossip about their new opening in the City next time too.
2. Dolce London
These guys keep pulling it out of the bag. Usher’s there on Friday.
3. Studio Valbonne 
There will be a pre-party for Nelson Mandela’s shindig here tonight, hosted by JayLa, with all the big performers showing up for a boogie and a pre-gig relaxing drink. It's going to be full of A-listers with Jennifer Aniston, John Mayer, Will Smith, Fern Cotton, Trevor Nelson and Normski all confirmed.
4. Opal Bar
This South Kensington venue looks like a monochrome cave and serves their shots in extra-large glasses. My head is still pounding from my last night there!
5. No 5 Cavendish Square
This venue and I don’t have the happiest history, I fell down the stairs there once and have had bad memories ever since. Their Friday nights are so tempting though that even I’m heading back!