One of these days our Guy About Town, John Gough, might just have to have a quiet week in… Wait, what am I talking about? With his glamorous celebrity lifestyle and invitations to just about every hot event in the capital he doesn’t have time for things like sleeping and going to Tescos like us mere mortals. So live vicariously and see what fun and excitement has been going on in John’s life this week – go on, you know you want to…

It’s been another glamorous old week, folks! It’s Royal Ascot this week (more on that later), and last week was Graduate Fashion Week, so there have been even more parties and fabulous happenings than ever. I made the most of the sunshine whilst we had it, although the hayfever left me a bit red-eyed at times. Still, I often look like that anyway after too many late nights, so most people can’t tell the difference. Hoping to avoid a late night, I went along to Jodie Harsh’s early-evening red carpet party at Mint Leaf this Tuesday for a few cocktails with the diva herself, but somehow found myself staggering home at 2am from the Kingly Club in Soho. Isn’t it funny how it’s always ‘I’ll just stay for another hour….’ With so many great things going on in London, it’s hard to know when to stop!

Celebrity Spots
I have been pursuing a certain supermodel for some time now, after seeing her on the catwalk all the way back at Autumn Fashion Week last October. I think the impish Agyness Deyn is stunning, and have been hoping for an intro for months, which I finally managed last Thursday night at Punk. My favourite model in one of my favourite clubs, I was so excited, but what a letdown – she was too drunk to make sense, and more interested in getting henna tattoos on her face than talking to anyone. I was gutted.

The same night, I spotted Big Brother’s Aisleyne at Embassy London. She was surrounded by trashy, noisy girls to be honest, and was so drunk! She left soon after, apparently for Maddox, and I for one wasn’t too sorry to see her screeching pals go. It’s been quite the week for bumping into former Big Brother inmates actually, I also saw Ziggy outside Mo*vida and the Palladium talking to a drunk homeless person, escaping the attention of the crowd with a baseball cap pulled down over his face. If I was him, I’d make the most of the attention that’s sure to dry up with the new crop of housemates. One ex-housemate who realises his status is the hysterically cynical Gerry. I bumped into him on Old Compton Street the day after going to Heaven with him (he asked me where I’d been all night because I had the same acid yellow jeans on!), and was busy chatting away in the middle of the street when a taxi came hurtling towards him with horn blaring. Gerry’s reaction was priceless, screaming in a thick Greek accent for everyone to hear ‘Don’t run over the Z-list!’ I got a sneak preview of his book cover too this week, look out for Treat Them Mean, Keep Them Keen in October.

Rather more exciting than the Big Brother types, though equally as trashy, was spotting Pamela Anderson at China Tang at the Dorchester on Sunday. She’s much smaller in the flesh than you imagine, and her boobs aren’t that humungous anymore. I noticed she was surrounded at her table by men, and doesn’t appear to have a single female in her entourage. Perhaps she doesn’t like competition? Also staying at the Dorchester was AJ from the Backstreet Boys, who told my pretty blonde friend the alias he’d checked in under when chatting to us at Mo*vida, so any fans of bad ‘90s boybands should give me a shout if you want to know!

Top Club
Well, everyone’s been asking my opinion on new club, Whisky Mist at Zeta, at the Hilton Hotel on Park Lane. Let me be completely honest. My advice is GO NOW, because I don’t think it’s going to pull in the A-list in the long-term. It’s a little bit out of the way down on Park Lane, aimed very much at an older crowd, and it’s not doing anything that twenty other clubs in the West End haven’t been doing for ages. I’ve been twice now, and some great people have been there, including Kid Rock and Noel Fielding, not to mention lots of great magazine and media types. At the moment, this club is hot hot hot - even Princess Beatrice was made to queue, though I made the General Manager promise I wouldn’t have to queue next time I went. There’s nothing that puts me off somewhere more than queuing for an age to get in, only to discover a queue to get to the bar. Like I said, go in the next few weeks because they’re pulling in the glitterati right now, the cocktails are gorgeous, and the moose statues are funny – in short, it’s the flavour of the month.

Top Bar
I’ve been going back to Carbon at the Cumberland Hotel recently, after a few months away. The decor is cool, metallic and industrial - totally different to anything else in the West End, and last weekend they had the castaways from Channel Four’s Shipwrecked hosting, including the hunky Matthew Iovane and cheeky Essex Boy Jack Collins. I love the cocktails here, especially the chilli-infused Caipirinha and the More-Phine, as well as the cool Balearic tunes. There’s not really a proper dancefloor, but people get up for a boogie anyway. It’s worth a look if you want a venue you can spend the whole evening in, as they’re open until 3am at weekends.

Big News
It’s that time of the year when the glamorous, chic and sophisticated (and me) all leave town during the day to hit up Royal Ascot, and get their gamble on! I know for most it’s all about dressing up, laughing at the ladies’ crazy hats, and seeing the occupants of the Royal Enclosure, but for me it’s about the racing. I get a real rush of adrenaline watching the horses, and although I never win anything, it’s still terribly exciting. There are two days remaining (Friday and Saturday) so get there if you can, and if you miss out, there are lots of after parties at clubs in Windsor (including Mantra and Vanilla) and the capital so you don’t have to miss out entirely.

Top 5 This Week
1. Maddox
Taking over from Mahiki as the hottest midweek venue, Maddox attracts a cool crowd of models and celebrities. I love it!
2. MAYA
There’s a big weekend coming up at this Soho club and a special Monte Carlo Rocks shindig on Sunday night.
3. 50 Dover Street
Huge new night Secret launched last night, with the search for Miss Intercontinental 2008. Check it out for a crowd of footballers and wannabe WAGs, and a cool disco reinvention.
4. Crystal Club
Hosting a hat and jewellery fashion show last night to celebrate Ascot Ladies’ Day, this club retains its cool with an exclusive and moneyed crowd.
5. The Lonsdale
This Notting Hill bar is an old favourite, with three floors of amazing tapas and fresh fruity cocktails, plus the private Genevieve Bar for those invited in.