Until yesterday I was a burlesque virgin. Yup, that’s right I’d never seen nipple tassels. It was a sad time for me. Last night, however, I popped my burlesque cherry at Volupte, a decadent little supper club near Holborn. It was awesome! There was a magician who, I swear to God, made a card MAGICALLY change into the three of hearts in my hand. Amazing. There were also fire eaters, gymnasts showing of their skills on hoops hanging from the ceiling and even a snake. A real snake. There were also nipple tassels.

Now I’m open minded anyway, but I was incredulous that burlesque could ever be considered as anything other than harmless titillation. You may have read in the papers recently that Camden Council is looking to slam Camden clubs and burlesque clubs with harsh restrictions meaning that anywhere showing burlesque will require the same license as lapdancing clubs. That. Is. Insane.

I remarked on this to my partner last night - he’s partial to the odd strip club - and he actually guffawed when I asked if there were any similarities. He laughed for about ten minutes before saying that only 14-year-old boys or 40-year-old virgins would get turned on by burlesque. It was far too camp for a start. Good point. The girls performing last night were sexy but in a totally tame way that wasn’t in any way intimidating. If anything, it was funny - one performer came in dressed as a jungle girl and removed her tiger-print clothes to reveal two nipple covers in the shapes of fig leaves and cream pants with a leaf motif and then she ate an apple. People laughed, it was amusing, certainly not sexy. The atmosphere was one of young professionals all over the age of 18 enjoying harmless entertainment. Men and women clapped and whooped as the impressive show continued. At one point a girl in a - shock, horror – red bra and leggings twirled about a hoop suspended in the air. Hardly pole dancing, is it?

Frankly, I’m sick and tired of the nanny state butting its big nose in. I understand the need for licensing for strip clubs as it can pull unsavoury elements into the area (think beer-bellied City boys with more money than sense) and they need strict regulations to protect the public and the workers. However, burlesque is enjoyed by people from all walks of life looking for simple entertainment, not to get turned on by boobies. I’ve seen more breasts at clubs across Central London courtesy of low-cut tops on a Saturday night than I did at the burlesque club. Get over it.

I hope that in these recession hit times that places like KOKO and Proud Camden that showcase burlesque don’t suffer. Even Last Days of Decadence and Ghost Farringdon host burlesque events for crying out loud. Nipple tassels shouldn’t constitute nudity, it’s insane.

This doesn’t mean you should wear nipple tassels to work tomorrow (unless you’re a burlesque dancer).