London’s cheesiest disco is alive and kicking in the heart of Clapham. Stick on your glad rags and head along for a night of binge drinking, energetic dancing and crazy chat up lines.

The Venue
This venue is unapologetically trashy, and it hits you as soon as you get in past the big queue. With two main dance floors playing the cheesiest music you can imagine, it’s a big club so even on busy nights you won’t be too sardined in. There’s an original 70s dance floor and a chill out area with huge tropical fishtanks – think a mini Las Vegas and you’re almost there. Infernos also has a separate Flame Bar, which is a private room that is great for escaping the madness of the main areas and is available to book if you have a special event you’d like to celebrate in all its cheesy glory.

You’ll be hard pushed not to get stuck to the carpet by the end – sticky carpets seem to be a prime feature of the club.

The Atmosphere
Cheese, cheese and more cheese is the only way to describe Infernos. Think of your uni days at the local student bar or even the school disco and you’ve summed it up nicely. Lots of very drunken twenty-somethings march up and down to the sounds of 500 Miles and whoop with delight when the Baywatch theme is played. But there is a definite sense of unashamed fun about the place. Yes, it’s cheesy, but then that’s its charm. The downfall is the meat market side of the club – if you’re single and up for a laugh then it’s perfect, but if you want to be left alone this is not the place to come as men and women dust off their pulling skills for a night of no-strings fun.

The Music
Do not go to Infernos if you take your music seriously. This is all about jumping around and showing off your moves to the cheesiest music pop has to offer from the 70s onwards. Favourite tunes include Ice Ice Baby, Nine to Five and Final Countdown – and do listen out for the Baywatch song that will inevitably get everyone practising their slow-mo beach runs. Whether it’s girls showing off their sass on the dancefloor or guys trying to prove they’re the next Justin’s Timberlake, it’s fun, cheesy pop at its best.

The Drink
Drinks are, inevitably, overpriced for what you get. Even in a low-end club like this there’s no escaping the London club drink prices. However, Infernos is found right in the middle of Clapham High Street so it’s a good idea to go for drinks along the many bars of the area beforehand to avoid paying out a small fortune when you get in.

The Last Word
Infernos is like Marmite – you either love it or hate it. If you’re up for a non-pretentious drunken night out then leave your dignity at the door and jump up in delight when Bon Jovi classics thump out of the almighty sound system.

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