One word for this night club and that is, SHOCKING!!!!Was browsing on the net just before new year’s eve and came across Infernos night club, it looked like a half decent night club that sold cocktails. Got to the club on New Year’s Eve, found door men friendly and didn’t have to wait that long as not many people at the door, great. Got in and suddenly was hit by the most horrible sweaty smell ever known to mankind, it actually smelt cheesy and of old over worn running trainers. I wasn’t sure how the smell was in the building until my friend said that it was the carpet, that hadn’t been washed. My friend asked me to feel the carpet with my shoe, I did and he was right, it was very very sticky and greasy and from what I could see, not been cleaned for ages. I mean come on how much effort does it take to shampoo a carpet once in a while! Got to the bar to find only 4 different cocktails for sale then the bar man took about 1 hour trying to make them. And as for the crowd let me say that the guys clearly just wanted any old excuse to try and start a fight with anyone. Overview of this bar is, DONT GO if you’re looking for a nice night out. Clapham has lots of other better bars.

PS ; if this website would actually allow me to edit myprevious review, then the rating would be a 1 ( or zero if that was an option). If you want to be abused my door staff (along with the club manager, who I ended up requesting to talk to, only to be told I was 'a stupid idiot' by him, and that I was 'trying to take the piss'), then by all means come to this place. However; if you would actually like to have a reasonable night, then avoid this place with ten foot pole.

I am absolutely disguested with this place. I love having a laid back, fun night out, but if this is what you are after,then this is not the place for you. My boyfriend and I paid 10 pounds each to get in; I then needed to go and get some cash, and asked the door staff if I needed a stamp, and where to go to get the cash. They assured me I did not need a stamp, and sent me the wrong way to the cash point. When I came back, I found I was not allowed in because I did not have a stamp, or proof of previous entry. I offered up my handbag and my laptop which I had on my back as back up for them to hold, for me to go and get my boyfriend to produce our entry tickets to prove we had already paid the ridiculously high entry fee, which they refused. Luckily my boyfriend came to find me, and we somehow managed to convince them that we were not trying to rip them off, and we had already paid £20 together for entry.
I work in the security industry and will therefore be reporting this club for breach of SIA regulations for not only failing to do any security checks on me or anyone around me, but also for blatently being more concerned with trying to rip customers off rather then with trying to ensure their clientle and customers are safe and secure in their environment.
If you do not want to have a horrible evening, then do not go to this establisment.

Yesterday I went for a night out on my friends 25th Birthday. Heard it was a good place to end the night at and Im a fan of cheese, so was looking forward to it bigtime!

Got there, and was faced by 3 bouncers who harassed me until tears. I was in queue with my friends and they had to separate people into groups. I was taken apart from my friends and kindly requested if they can stand with me. Upon this request I was shouted at by the bouncer and had to quietly refrain thinking it was probably the stress of the people getting to him (even if in any case a should not be treated this way). After having stood in the queue I was requested for my ID which I handed over for the bouncer to check. I handed it back and was told it was ok to carry on. Once I turned around, the bouncer grabbed my arm and tugged me, telling me me I was being rude, therefore I have to leave the queue (to make "way" for a skinny blonde chick and her friend) who was completely drunk off her face. With that comment (and their judgement) I was pushed by the queue by force and out of the way. Because of that I am left with bruise marks following that event. To make things worse, a female bouncer came up to me, saw me in tears, and shouted at me for being upset about the whole situation and I don't deserve to have a good night. Feeling heavily offended and in tears, I was ready to go home and forget about my friends 25th, where finally the 3rd bouncer (also after having shouted at me for being upset) was begged by my friends to let me in, and I reluctantly had to follow suit. All I can say is that this is by far the WORST experience I have ever had at a London club and can assure you I will not be going back. The bouncers were pure African with a heavy accent but still had a VERY GOOD command of English meaning there was no communication error where these bruises on my arm say a lot about what happened and what harassment I went through.

There are many nicer places than this £10 club.

I find it amazing to see all the bad comments here! I will put my cards on the table as I have worked at Infernos for over 10 years and without a shadow of a doubt Infernos as stood the test of time with queues around the block week in week out! It’s clear and obvious that the bad reviews are from rival venues in the area of which I won't mention here (you know who you all are and are very jealous of the continued success of the most powerfullest night club in South West London.)if the music was crap and the venue was rubbish then why week on week is it still packed out!?! Wouldn't customers vote with their feet!?! I for one am sick and tired of the bad reviews here about Infernos. If you have a genuine gripe with the club then address it professionally with the management in writing or by contacting them directly (www. Infernos. Co. Uk) if not stop posting blatant lies on this review site which is supposed to be a forum to give precise and accurate reviews about venues. Infernos has been going now for over 10 years with the same owners and cheesy concept where as other clubs and bars in the area have shut down and re-opened, shut down and re-opened. So if Infernos was as bad as the reviews on this site claim to be then please tell me why we at Infernos are going from strength to strength! I think it's very unfair as we here at Infernos don't go slagging off other venues in the area in this manner. The truth is we don't need to as the lack of queues at your venues in comparison to are fantastic night club says it all! I would wish you luck (again you know who you all are!) but I feel me wishing you luck wouldn't even help you!

Infernos sums up everything that is bad about Clapham. Horrendous music and full of people that move to London, then never go outside of their Clapham bubble. Annoying student and 'rugger' types. Avoid like the plague if you want to maintain any degree of credibility.

Terrible, never in my life have I bumped into so many nasty guys.

They have a MASSIVE chip on their shoulder. What's with the music too?

It's definitely stuck in a time warp! Never again!!!

Can't argue with any of the points already made, it really is a dive with awful music, it stinks, is over crowded and everyone in there is so pissed they can't see straight.

Woeful. If you want an SU bar, go back to Uni!

Cheese and annoying people from Surrey pretending to be Londoners, can there be anything worse?

The bouncers are almost as bad as the clientele, impatient ignorant people with a chip on their shoulders.

As you can guess I had a very bad experience here and im generally very laid back, but this place made me very angry and I felt sorry for people who are regulars at this 'club'.

For these people trying to claw back to their university days, which were probably just filled with a SU playing the same cheese, it's time to open your eyes and ears to other things.

Most importantly stop trying to make SW london an extention of the mundane, culturally vacant home counties.

i think this is the best club in the world. Im going tonight and nothing could stop me from bopping the night away all night long to the best tunes in LONDON!! Love you all xx

Please please update the music, why are there never any recent cheesy tunes to dance to, its all stuck in the 20th century! Cheese is still aroud dtoday too and after a while it starts to grade, and I just can not dance to most of the songs they play. Carpet does stink too.

its the ronseal of clubs.. not so much a club but a throwback from uni days. cheesy, letchy but doesnt pretend not to be!

Infernos is possible the worst club i have ever been to. The club smells like a septic tank on a hot day. The people you find in there are either sleazy....thiefs...or on poroll. They charge far to much for everything and the dj is in his late 70's so cant play any good music.
CRAP

Smokers beware! Infernos do not allow you to go outside for a cigarette and come back in. You have to pay the full admission again. This almost ruined a hen do but our smokers just managed with a nicotine free evening.

Aside from that, Infernos is a good cheesy night out and will have you bopping along. Great for a hen do.

I was considering going to Infernos for my birthday and I have to say after reading some of these reviews I have been put off. Does anyone have anything good to say?

I had my phone and driving licence stolen when I went in January this year and even after calling the club, leaving voicemails and sending numerous emails they didn't even have the courtesy to let me know they didn't have it.



Cheesey fun (if you can stand that sort of music non-stop) and the men all seem sleazy mingers but if you take nothing but cash for drinks and have your eyes closed then it's ok.

Infernos is a fun place to be nothing more nothing less! Somewhere to let your hair down and have some cheesy fun. Don't knock the best club in London just because it's from the old School Disco days.

I feel insulted. I would never wear snakeskin, it's too cheap. I wear crocodile skin. You scrubber.

If you happen to find yourself in the bowels of Clapham on a Saturday night and fancy dancing to some Phats and Small next to Big Al (sweating profusely through his unbuttoned black snakeskin shirt) then Infernos is the club for you!

Well, for a start you could have actually read the leaflet they gave to you and then you would have known that you can put your handbag, wallet and phone securely in the cloakroom for free. My girlfriend got given one of these flyers and after reading it I thought, what a gesture. All the clubs in the West End have a bigger problem with pickpockets then Infernos but none of them go to the lengths of Infernos to try and help people.


So what you can do is stay at home if you haven't got the nouse to take good advice when its offered. And if it regularly happens to you, maybe you should just stay home?

Infernos is incredibly cheesy and I have had some fun times here but I think this place has a serious issue with security. On Saturday I had my wallet stolen from my handbag, the second time in six months. They do hand out leaflets on the way in to warn you to look after your belongings.


But other than chain yourself to your values what can you do? At £10.00 a pop I would expect a better level of security to stamp this problem out. I won't be returning to Infernos until they do.

Infernos - what can I say? You have got it all right! Don't change a thing.

How can Infernos possibly receive abuse!? It's like my old student union was shipped to London, sticky floors and all. What could be better?! It's a great concept, and something that pulls people from all over London (and the South) for incredible nights out. If you are stuck up then go somewhere more up market, act like a wannabe, drink overpriced drinks, and brush shoulders with ex Big Brother contestants!


If however you like to have fun and cause total and utter carnage then head this way! Infernos has everything (alcohol, women and Jive Bunny), and the music, courtesy of DJ Nine Mile Decks, is awesome. What a legend that man is!



The only people who cause trouble are the people who think they are too good for the place, and the only people who moan are those who are p1ssed off because they have lost their youth and forgotten how to let go!



Infernos lovers - see you on Saturday!
Infernos loathers - Go write reviews about how much you love the West End, and how great it was to meet Ashylene. Maybe you could be as cool as her one day!

Make no bones about it, Infernos is your classic cheesy disco. There are no refinements here, just great fun in a backdrop from the 70's or 80's! Dext the DJ is just the best for those classic themes and we love it all. Please don't change a thing Infernos - it just perfect to have fun.

As General Manager of Infernos I am very sorry to hear of the incident dated 8th Febuary. We take all complaints very seriously and I am very surprised at what has been alleged.


If you would like to contact me directly to clear up this matter, then please email me at graham@infernos.co.uk, as I am not happy that you are not happy.

I was recently in Infernos and I left disgusted at how rude everybody who works there is. I was surprised by the price of my two vodka redbulls and when I asked the bar lady to clarify how much it was she told me to eff off, if I couldnt afford it.

I put that down to stress or whatever but it just got worse. When I tried speaking to the Infernos manager, he was about 40ish and had slightly grey hair, he wouldn't even entertain my complaint. When I asked his name, he just said The Boss - what a moron.


One piece of advice I'd liked to give him is, if you don't like to give good customer service then maybe you should get out of the service industry! And his little fat bald henchman is a waste of skin and bone...

Ever since the introduction of expensive New Years Eve tickets I have found it hard to enjoy myself in the knowledge I had just been done out of £30.00, but this year I went to Infernos and it cost me £10.00 as I bought well in advance. Remember this for next year people!


On top of bargain entry to Infernos I had a wicked night, got proper drunk and woke up with a complete stranger. Now is a that a perfect New Years Eve or what?

I only have myself to blame for going to Infernos. It is exactly what you would imagine it to be. And I knew what it would be like before I went, and yet I still went. It is awful. Cheesy can be fun. Unfortunately, Infernos is the bad kind of cheesy. It has a slightly agressive feel and, as has been mentioned, sticky carpets.


One man there wanted to fight me because I stepped on his foot. Another man tried to snog my girlfriend as she was holding my hand. As you can imagine, this almost got me into another fight but the man in question disappeared but not without threatening to see me outside afterwards. Obviously when I left, there was no sign of him. Really classy. Avoid. Please.

On Saturday a group of friends put their coats down at Infernos and the next minute they had been taken by the bouncer and put into a cloak room whence we were charged us £2.00 to get them back. When I complained to the Infernos management they were extremely rude to me and mocked me for wearing glasses, which sums up the intellectual ability of the people that run this place.


They have no right to take our coats as there was no sign to warn us. Infernos is a meat market, and I vow never to step foot in there again. How can they think they can charge £10.00 and compete with super clubs like Fabric, when it is a complete dive.

I absolutely cannot get enough of Infernos. For years, my friends have been trying to persuade me to go to new haunts, but Infernos will always remain my number one choice. Pulling some moves to my favourite tunes allows me the freedom I crave and I enjoy nothing better than working up an acrid sweat on the floor.



Booze flows freely from every bar and I can confirm that this, dear reader, is London's premier nightspot.

If you're after a classy night out Infernos ain't your place. However, if, like me, you're up for getting slaughtered and getting your hands on some ropey old piece ladies then INfernos is the one for you. I effing love it.

Infernos would only be good if it was actually burning down.

Infernos is easily the worst venue in London, if not the world. It is absolutely atrocious, with vomit inducing decor, like some surrealist's impression of a Las Vegas crackhouse, and the very worst music I've heard played in any club. Infernos have outrageous drink prices and a horrible, ugly, desperate crowd. And you pay £10 for the luxury!


Any person who is a regular to this hell-hole is either an utter social reject with no concept of a good night out, a masochist, or mentally deranged. Possibly all of the above. I'd rather burn in an inferno than go to Infernos.

Infernos is one of the worst nightclubs I've ever been in. It is a total meat market, but it's not even a pulling joint as there are hordes of blokes everywhere clamouring for the same birds. The drinks are overpriced and the place is a complete nightmare. Stay well clear of Infernos if in Clapham.

I hadn't been to Infernos for a couple of weeks but the urge to groove came over me indeed. Infernos is such a gem with loads of totty, indeed. I love this place.

Infernos is the worst club I have ever been to in my life. This place makes clubs in small local towns look good. I have never seen so many idiots in one place, Infernos was full of rugby shirted men and skanky women.

To the folks below - put your handbags away this is not a forum. As for Infernos - I wouldn't touch it with yours... just kidding. I thought Infernos was a laugh and that it gave everything it promised; nothing more, nothing less.

I have been to Infernos and it is truly below average. Anyone doubting this look at the number of 5 star reviews posted below this comment. With the exception of Big Al (who may be the Infernos bouncer - he certainly knows all about the door charge through the ages), these are all anonymous, and clearly trying to sell specific aspects of the venue.

I am an Infernos regular and would just like to comment on mr/ms annonymous's 1 star review's last comment. Have you ever even been to Infernos? The queue at Infernos are the quickest moving I have ever experienced on a Saturday night in London.


One impression I am getting is that maybe mr/ms annonymous is probably a manager at a less succuessful South London club. Maybe the Clapham (not so) Grand.

Infernos is the worst club I have ever had the misfortune to set foot in. Dreadful selection of dreadful beers in dreadful condition. Huge queues created by bouncers deliberately slowing down entry just to make it look like there is something worth experiencing on the other side of the door.


The music is so bad it genuinely beggars belief. The atmosphere is vaguely thuggish and oppressive and the venue is filthy. There is no place for clubs like Infernos in Gateshead let alone in the big smoke.

What can I say about Infernos that doesn't appear to have been said already? It is quite simply the best night out you'll ever have - as long as you know what you're letting yourself in for. Don't go there expecting a pretentious, smart location playing the latest dance tunes 'cos you won't get it.



What you will get is friendly staff, great music and a surfeit of attractive men. I can't recommend Infernos enough.

Infernos is a great night out as long as you are there to have a laugh and not to be a ponce. I don't agree with the last guy about the entrance fee being expensive, £10.00 is a lot less than in the Westend.



You need to remember Infernos is a 70s and 80s disco and they all had carpets back then.

Without a doubt Infernos the single worst club I have ever been to (including Tenerife and Costa del Sol). Unbelievably expensive entrance fee and drinks for its location, women can only be described as old, ugly and desperate. And why would you put carpet in a club!?



Never ever go to Infernos, in fact if you ever hear of anyone who is going to go there do everything in your power to stop them from going as well.

Clearly all of those 5 star reviews have been written by the Infernos management to redeem themselves. Infernos is still as tacky, cheesy, smelly and the carpet is still as sticky as it was five years ago! Drinks are expensive and the entry fee is a rip off.
If the night is kicking on and you want a late drink and a bit of a boogie in Clapham- head down to the Junction and party on at The Grand- drinks are cheaper, venue is cleaner and you can dance without fear of the carpet sucking up your feet- and the dancers in hotpants go down well with the lads!

As far as music and decor go, Infernos is probably the worst club I've ever been to in my life.



However, you literally cannot fail to pull in this place, and Infernos is where all the girls from the SW postcodes go when they have been dumped by their boyfriend and they're looking to pull. In this respect, it's great. Get really wasted before you go in, mind, as the drinks are quite expensive and it'll help you ease the pain of the tasteless furniture, lights and music. Plus, this way, there's less chance of you remembering being inside.



I can't help but think that Infernos is responsible for many drunken conceptions following a night behind it's doors. What a horrible start in life for a child!

Infernos has to be the worst club in SE. Firstly a million people in cost queue, small selection of drinks, Tiffany was played on repeat along with Bon Jovi all night, people were 16+, upstairs the music same, my shoes stuck to the carpet and the place stunk of rotten beer. Infernos was the worst night of my life.

Infernos is rubbish. It's got as much character as Paddington Bear and smells like an old man's pants. I've had better nights when I had violent diarrhoea. Stay at home or go elsewhere but for your own sanity's sake, don't go to Infernos.

Crap on the outside, crap on the inside and expensive. Go somewhere else.

Well if you haven't been to Infernos you're missing out. You have to experience the atmosphere.

Alright it can be tacky at times with 80s music blaring, but with a DJ like Dexs playing who really can mix funky house, 70s R&B and some real funky tunes like A mashed up version of Bilie Jean, you're missing out! Without doubt the most underrated DJ in London town by a mile!
He is worth listening to at Infernos time and time again.

Anyone who complains about Infernos must be mad.

Having been here countless times, I always leave smiling, the dance floor is always packed, people are friendly, it's 70% funky girls and it's so refreshing to get away from the snotty West End attitudes that are all over London.

Infernos is cheese cheese chesse and hands in the air cheese - brilliant.

I went to Infernos last Friday night with a group of friends. I have only a few words to say - brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Great music and sexy girls.

We had the most fantastic time at Infernos and we even got in for £5.00 each before 10pm - not bad for 6 hours of fun!

I had a wicked night at Infernos as I always do. Don't listen to people who don't know what there are talking about (Steph and Kieron). As I am a regular I know that Infernos has never been £2.50 or even allowed stupid 18 year old kids in.

If you want an unpretentious fun night out then Infernos is for you. If you want to pose and be all la-di-da then go somewhere else (as Steph and Kieron obviously did and are too stupid to remember the real name of the club they went to - at £2.50 it sounds like Lambeth Youth Hall they were in!).

As our friend's 18th was cancelled at the last minute we decided to trek down to Clapham and see what we could find. Nothing except Infernos, which looked like a strip club from the outside. It was only £2.50 to get in and I feel robbed.

Everyone either looked like they were teenagers or the other extreme of 40 year olds in suits. Infernos stank and there was carpet on the walls!

The DJ played the worst old skool music around and to add insult to injury the drinks were overpriced and crap in my opinion. Thanks Infernos for further ruining my friend's 18th and we all felt depressed whilst we were in the club as well as for the rest of the night. We will not be going back - no one go!

A good friend suggested we come down to Infernos and experience it for ourselves. Well, we were only going to stay an hour or so, but ended up staying all night!

Infernos was the best night club I've ever been to. The music was fab with a good variety and when we did sit down, it was on big comfy sofas near the gorgeous fish tanks!

I recommend Infernos to all my friends, and hope to get there again soon. Nice one.

I went to Infernos on New Years Eve with my friends. To be honest I wasn't really up for it after reading some of the reviews here but when I got there it was fantastic.

The DJs at Infernos kept the crowd going and the atmosphere was great. I will definitely go again.

I heard a rumour there was a good 70s and 80s club called Infernos in Clapham so I went along, and to my surprise it wasn't good at all, it was fantastic. I read some people say the drinks are too expensive - my advice to them is to stop working at KFC. I had a wicked night. I will go to Infernos again. And I pulled!

Infernos is possibly the worst club I have ever been to. The music is terrible, it's busy, sticky, expensive, tacky, sleazy and you have to pay £10 for the pleasure of it all.

I stumbled across Infernos when I first moved to London and not knowing any better went inside - never again! For those of you who went to Durham Uni, it's an enlarged Klute but with all the same people!

I honestly cannot believe some of the people who decribed this place as 'oozing old skool cool', 'great music', 'glamastic chic' and 'marvellous'. I think these people must have been to some other place called Infernos. I went here once and felt robbed by the £10 door fee. The highlight of the music was the Baywatch Theme and the Pretenders 'I would walk 500 miles'. The dancefloor and the carpet was very sticky, women were heavily outnumbered by blokes and the drinks were expensive. Infernos is also very dingy and grotty and really has no redeeming features. All that for only £10.
Then again, if you still feel like kicking on in Clapham after 2am and don't feel like travelling, there are not many other options. Personally, I'd rather drink beer at the bus stop until 5am.


If you go, you'll regret it. Don't say I didn't warn you!

Infernos is the most terrible place!

I paid the ten pounds and stayed for two minutes. If you like crap music and haven't pulled in years then Infernos is the cattle market for you.

I went to Infernos a few weeks ago with a friend and we had a great time, a few really good looking guys! Fun music... Very very cheesy but you can boogie the whole night. Seriously it was so much fun in Infernos, specially in that private bar, great people.
I definitely recomend Infernos.

To get an idea of the type of place Infernos is, simply read the 5 star reviews - that should be enough to turn you off. Unabashedly the worst night of my life, I drank all I could and was still stone cold sober and surrounded by dumb and ugly people, muzak instead of music and decor that befits Brighton Pier amusement arcade. And all for the princely sum of ten pounds! Infernos is rip off idiocy at its worst.

Infernos in my opinion is the big brother of Flares in Croydon or a cross between the Blue Orchid and Flares. You will not be able to have a worse time in London than at this place. It's full of people I think are scum and 50 year old women trying to turn back the clock. It's ten quid to get in and it's a complete waste of money. The music is terrible and the women leave a lot to be desired. There are a hundred better places within a 1 mile radius of Infernos and if you go an extra 2 miles up the road into central London you'll have a much better time. Do yourself a favour and steer clear of this dump.

I visited Infernos as one of the housemates of a friend I was staying with in Clapham suggested we go there to finish off the night. I was extremely disappointed with all aspects of the club. The music was just ok, it didn't stick to any kind of format and reminded me of a time when I went to a really cheesy club in the city, big and impressive it looked from the outset but as soon as I walked in, I felt like I'd just turned up to a Salford den!

Good looking? I felt I was dancing in a school disco where the dancefloor was filled with dancefloor rejects! I only went there for a dance and a drink but you do find that having a dance with good looking girls/boys makes the evening better. There were girls and boys on the floor in the toilets, filthy cubicles locked with the good old 'I cant take you home so this will have to do' type! Nice!

I came out very early, around 1am as I couldn't stand it anymore and for the first time, so early in the night I was looking forward to bed! I've never forgiven my friend for not telling me how awful this place was going to be even though he hated it...He lives there!

But, the good side is, you learn your lesson, don't you? Stay in the bars, go elsewhere, or go home...just don't end up at Infernos...

After many happy years of attending infernos, last week cash went missing from my wallet while in possession of the doorman. The manager was both rude and patronising when I rang later to complain. I will not be going again. If you go, leave your belongings at your own risk.

Infernos is a good place with good atmoshere though I can't really remember the music. Girls dressed nice and most good looking. Drinks bit pricey, but worth a visit.

Cool??? Who are these people?? Infernos is possibly the worst night out I have had in ages - if you like tacky, sweaty, overcrowded places filled with the Ben Sherman shirt-wearing brigade and their female counterparts then come here! Only for people with no imagination and no style. Stay away and save yourself the £10 entry fee!!

Not quite sure what image the club is going for but the piano bar was a combination of a 70's discotheque and a dimly lit strip club with the upstairs room resembling a hotel foyer. Nevertheless, a fabulous unpretentious crowd of sweaty Timberlake wannabes in white shirts and friendly Antipodean girls dancing round their handbags.

Infernos is definitely one of the best nightclubs in London!!! Great music, cool decor, nice public and a really friendly staff... guaranteed fun!!!!

Infernos gives an absolutely outstanding night out - back to the eighties in glamtastic chic. Plenty of bars - no queueing and everyone dancing!

Bar staff very hospitable - even when dribbling aftershock and drinks quite reasonably priced - a great night out!

Absolutely fantastic night out..... quite surreal! Completely unpretentious, yet oozes old school cool. Dance all night to the best disco tracks. Guaranteed a night out to remember.

The best club in London to cut shapes.