out of Five
Running time: 79
Utterly dreadful, mean-spirited and pathetically puerile spoof comedy that's so bad it actually makes previous terrible Twilight spoof Vampires Suck look good by comparison.
What's it all about?
Directed by Craig Moss (director of The 41 Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad About It, so he has form), Breaking Wind is a spoof of the Twilight Saga that, despite the title, concentrates mainly on Eclipse and only touches on a few scenes from Breaking Dawn (you can probably guess which ones). Heather Ann Davies plays Bella, who's caught in a love triangle between vampire Edward Cullen (Eric Callero, who does at least look a bit like Robert Pattinson) and tubby werewolf Jacob (Frank Pacheco).
Meanwhile, evil ginger vampire Victoria (Kelsey Collins) is plotting against the Cullens and seems to be amassing an army that includes a handful of Johnny Depp characters (The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands, Captain Jack Sparrow and Willy Wonka) for some reason.
The film is only really interested in recreating key scenes from the franchise and filling them with fart jokes, sex jokes, fart jokes, racist jokes, fart jokes, homophobic jokes, fart jokes, randy dwarves (there's a Little Edward with a crush on Edward) and more fart jokes and then throwing in a few more fart jokes for good measure. Needless to say, Breaking Wind will sorely test your tolerance for fart jokes.
The idea that Jacob and his Wolf Pack are a bunch of overweight men running around with their bellies out is mildly amusing for a split-second, but that's the closest the film comes to a joke that works. To the actors' credit, none of them look like they're really enjoying themselves (Heather Ann Davies actually makes quite a good Bella and at least she smiles more than Kristen Stewart does), but the film's low point comes when respected character actor Danny Trejo shows up (as a tribal elder) and has to do a scene where he shits his pants.
Aside from the utter ineptitude in the direction and script, the worst thing about the film is that it's so mean-spirited, as evidenced by the post-credits video footage of real-life Twilight obsessives freaking out over the Eclipse trailer. Basically, whether you love Twilight or hate Twilight there is nothing here for you.
Oh hell, no. Not even if your life depended on it. Avoid like you've never avoided anything before.