693 Wandsworth Road,
Battersea,
London,
SW8 3JF
0872 148 2911
The ViewLondon Review
You might reasonably argue that there’s such an embarrassment of cute pubs around here, no one needs to hear another recommendation. Nevertheless, you’re getting one.
The Artesian Well is only a few minutes from Clapham Common, but it’s off the beaten track and you might well never discover it, having been lured into some dinky little waterhole further up. Persevere, my friends! This is something quite special.
The Artesian Well is deeply enjoyable. A little like Beach Blanket Babylon in Notting Hill, it’s got a wonderlandish atmosphere – everything is shiny, ornate, richly coloured or somehow outlandish. Think precious stones set into walls, Hundertwasser-style mirrors, coloured glass in bronze branches, astronomical symbols and wonderfully naff reproductions of old masters.
The furniture is an insane collection of ornate and genuinely fascinating ethnica, weird shapes and etched leather cushions abounding everywhere you look. It’s all deeply confusing and brilliantly entertaining, and feels a bit like it was conceived by a Romantic poet on a particularly wild opium bender.
In fact, it’s all the work of a designer called Rudi Weller who put it together from top to bottom with inspired cockiness. Whether opium was involved or not, it’s quite an achievement.
There’s a ground floor bar, a restaurant serving the usual stuff, a club upstairs with a fabulous wall of shiny planets and a glass floor, and ‘Red Room’ above that is available for hire. Club nights (house, garage etc.) are Fridays and Saturdays and cost £5 or £7 entrance, and there’s acoustic night on Wednesdays. Thursday nights are dedicated to flatseekers, with an evening called ‘homing in’, and there are the odd promoters nights here and there.
So, pretty much everything you could ask for, then. Plus it’s as far from normality as a place could possibly be, which is what bars are all about. It’s all terrifically over the top and theatrical, but if you’ve got any sense of humour at all, you’ll love it.
The Artesian Well has been reviewed by 18 users