The sweet entrance of this attempt at a traditional London pub does nothing to stop you feeling sour once inside its sticky clutches.

The Venue
Ivy House has one thing going for it and that’s space. The seating areas meander from one side, past the bar and along the windows, coming to a rest at the far side of the large expanse, at which point you’ll find the foot of a staircase up to where even more seating resides. The decor is wooden, but it’s like there’s a film of congealed beer and whatever else people may have cared to spill over the place.

The pillars holding up the ceiling, stopping the roof crumbling on this sad enterprise, are covered with mirrors displaying words in frosted letters; WINE, BEER, WHISKEY. If you didn’t already know you were in a pub, and you’re struggling with the confusion of it all, these will help. There is a pool table tucked around the corner at the back of the pub to distract you from the rest of the place, which offers some small comfort.

The Atmosphere
There isn’t so much an atmosphere at Ivy House as a sense of quiet contemplation. Everything is introverted and people look lost on their own thought highways, unable to take the correct turn to free themselves from the journey to nowhere. Those drinking in here seem to be workmen, maybe they turned up years ago to fix the inoperable fruit machines and have got stuck in the knots of wood that pock mark the pub, becoming inanimate objects themselves. Apart from these poor souls, the pub holds on to a regular drinking set that will keep the bar bills ticking and they’re joined by the occasional tourist.

The Food
Ivy House wants to crow about the food and uses the walls and tables for their quick strike approach to advertising. There’s a full Thai menu, and if it wasn’t for the garish colour posters of meals that adorn the walls then you might’ve been able to keep some faith in the food, but it all just seems tacky. There is a large list to choose between, from stir fry dishes like Pad Khing with chicken or prawns, to the Masaman beef curry. If you are feeling hungry then a Thai red or green curry for £6 is a tempting offer and one that is worth giving a whirl at least.

The Drink
There is no real wine list and there are only a couple of each colour on offer, starting at £13.95 a bottle it’s quite expensive even for its central location. In terms of beer there’s Carling, Castlemaine, Staropramen, Becks and Grolsch on draught, so a good selection. There are plenty of bottles to choose from too, Leffe included. There is an occasional guest ale and the London Pride and Harvey’s Best are always there to be savoured.

The Last Word
This pub does little to fight against the depression that swamps it. It’s a good venue with big potential but needs to take a long hard look at itself and see beyond the word WHISKEY or WINE in the mirror.

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