London Hilton on Park Lane,
22 Park Lane,
Mayfair,
London,
W1K 1BE
0872 148 0060
The ViewLondon Review
How cool would it be if ‘Trader Vic’s was a Stock Exchange themed bar?
Sweaty barmen in braces, scary screens with lots of red and green numbers all over them, everyone shouting loudly down telephones and gesticulating strangely… Well, dream on, I’m afraid. It’s actually a Polynesian thang.
To lay-people, that means Hawaiian. And boy, have they gone for it. The lavishness of this murky tropical fantasy kingdom is indescribable. Woven ceilings attached to bamboo struts support those crazy rowing-boats that they use in the Hawaii 5-0 titles; swollen dead fish and massive conches are everywhere you look; genuine foreign barmaids clad in multicoloured floral dresses abound (sorry lads, no grass-skirts).
The feel is colonial rather than native, though – the odd moody picture of a storm tossed ship, large comfy cushioned seats and a suspiciously hotel-ish maroon patterned carpet see to that.
There’s also a bit of a Mayfair bray in the background to remind you that you are in the Hilton branch of Hawaii, darling. Maybe there are some stock traders called Vic lurking in corners after all.
It’s all rather strange, although awesomely opulent. It’s disturbingly like being inside Heart of Darkness – OK, wrong part of the world, I know, but the plundering-of-foreign-spoils feel is here. Happily it’s just an illusion in this case: in fact you may feel that it’s your wallet being plundered, what with a club sandwich costing a whole eleven quid. Cocktails are slightly more reasonable, although naturally not cheap, and apparently the Mai Tai is famously good .
On balance, I can see why people come here – which they do, more often than not from outside the hotel. It’s ridiculous, like a luau thats got inflated ideas of itself, but so silly that you can’t help enjoying yourself.
If you’ve ever fantasised about running a small branch of the Empire without having to actually repress anyone (and haven’t we all?) this will seem like heaven on a stick.
Trader Vics has been reviewed by 3 users