A night at Abracadabra is like stepping down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland.

The Venue
Designed by the owner, David West, as an opulent playground for the rich, Abracadabra takes you on a bizarre journey into the mind of an eccentric millionaire.

There are curtained booths with themes as diverse as Sex, Disney and Venice, a private dining area kitted out with everything one might need for an mid-supper S&M session and a circular table which rotates imperceptibly, so slowly that it won't be until halfway through the meal that guests will realise they are facing in a completely different direction to the place they first sat down.

The Atmosphere
A teenage boy’s wet dream, and no doubt many a grown man's too, the booths are all kitted out with their own DVD players and attended to by waitresses dressed in eye-wateringly short nurse's uniforms. Watching the two conflicting worlds of childhood and sex collide in a shower of phalluses and fairytales can feel a little uncomfortable at times, but it’s all pretty harmless and definitely ensures there is something for everyone.

The Food
To describe the portions at Abacadabra as large would be an understatement. Plates the size of car tyres come loaded with enough fish for a walrus, the salads look as though half of Kew Gardens were sacrificed to make them and tossing one of their pizzas into the air could easily cause an eclipse. Prices, which may initially seem a bit steep, suddenly seem reasonable when you realise that two people could live for days off one main course.

If you’re feeling particularly flush then it’s also worth noting that Abacadabra sell the famous Kobe beef, made from cows that have a personal butler, are massaged on a daily basis and given lots of beer. Now, who wouldn’t be willing to end their days between a couple of burger buns in exchange for a life like that?

The Drink
The wine list at Abracadabra starts off at a modest £15.00 for the house white, which is called, rather eloquently, The Dog’s Bollocks, but it then goes on to scale heights that would give even an experienced rock-climber vertigo. At the dizzying peak of the madness is a bottle of Cristal priced at £25,000. Be very careful what you order as pointing at the wrong bottle on the menu could result in a bill equivalent to buying a new Porsche Boxter.

The Last Word
Abracadabra is completely bonkers but definitely worth a visit. Astoundingly, the restaurant is usually very empty so it’s probably better for groups than for couples. Don’t forget to look out for the odd bemused family of tourists as they accidentally wander into the bondage booth and keep a pair of sunglasses handy to shield your eyes from the owner’s neon suits.

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