Maison Bertaux is the most lavishly bohemian cafe this side of the Seine.

The Venue
Beneath the stripy blue and white awning sits a retreat from the greys of life. Turbo pink netting is swathed over the windows along with shiny cut-outs of snowflakes and stars to welcome you into the quasi fantasy world of Maison Bertaux. Inside the windows there are shelves of glistening cakes and puddings and they are quite a sight. The place is small, with simple old chairs and tables squashed tightly together to maximise the limitations of its size. There is a similar sized room upstairs that does better to fit you in without counters or cakes cluttering things. The decor is simple; the walls are neutral but brought to life with the exhibited artwork on display as it moonlights as a gallery. Noel Fielding recently displayed his work, and although the walls were more interesting on the eye, the effect took a little sheen off the quaint escape that the cafe is, leaving things feeling a little chichi.

The Atmosphere
Maison Bertaux is a fairly personal place as it is a destination for escape. Don’t be surprised to see people with eyes gazing into thin air while the place bustles around them. Coming here can be a little like going to the cinema alone, relaxing and rewarding with a touch of self indulgence. The staff are an extension of the intimacy and individuality of the place and service follows a chaotic pattern as cakes and drinks are ordered at the counter before finding their way to your table.

The Food
There are no menus here, simply a visual menu that the innate seeds of taste and choice that have lived within you since your birth will help you to decipher. The smell too cannot be overlooked; sweet plumes of scent whirl upwards and through the air as dashes of pastry mingle with wafts of meringue. The sweets are displayed in the window and the great task of choice begins here. From tarts to truffles and delicate eclairs to croissants and death by chocolate there’s a little bit of something for everyone. Expect to pay between about £2 and £5 pounds per item.

The options are always subject to change but the chocolate bomb seems to be a top shelf stalwart and it’s a worthy choice. Its thick brown shell cocoons the richest truffle and must be accompanied with tea. If you’re after something a little less indulgent than a wedge from the giant lifeboat-looking profiterole cake or dark chocolate gateaux then you might want to opt for a cupcake, which looks like a fresh save from the set of Marie Antoinette, the benchmark for recent celluloid-cake-chic. They are light and fluffy too, with a surprising sweetness in their spongy centres. If you don’t possess any kind of sweet tooth then the food on offer at this perfect patisserie might give you night terrors at the sight, let alone the taste of it.

The Drink
No alcohol is served, but a selection of teas and coffee is are on offer to accompany the sweeter things. Whether it is a traditional English Breakfast tea, Darjeeling or Earl Grey (£2.70 a pot) the loose leaves provide an excellent cup. Formal this isn’t.

The Last Word
Maison Bertaux is an intoxicating mixture of extravagant decadence that is always a pleasure.

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