Why oh why do chain coffee shops all look the same? Yup, Patisserie Valerie is no exception.

The Venue
Brown. That is the branded colour of choice for Patisserie Valerie – and that’s as exciting as it gets when it comes to the exterior decor here. Large windows at least offer some reprieve from the swathes of brown, and a few outdoor tables mean you don’t have to sit amongst it, but aesthetically at least, there’s little else to offer. Inside, if anything, is worse. White walls, wooden panels, glass cases filled with cakes, red backed chairs and little wooden tables. Yup, that’s your lot.

The Atmosphere
Media workers from the surrounding offices seem to make up the bulk of the clientele at Patisserie Valerie and they do good business, based almost entirely on their location. With plenty of people wandering past, and lots of offices with workers looking for convenience, the trickle of customers quickly becomes a deluge at lunchtime. The staff are pretty quick though, and it is impressive to watch them balancing several orders at once rather deftly.

The Food
This is what sets Patisserie Valerie apart from many of its competitors. The menu is fancier – and with prices to match. Rather than a fiver for lunch you’re looking at closer to a tenner here. However, the choice is infinitely more exciting. A mix of continental and all day breakfasts get the mouth watering with everything from brioche with maple syrup through to a full English. There are also fresh grilled – and filled – croissants and even dinners such as lasagnes, burgers and fishcakes. Starbucks and Pret, eat your heart out. If you really can’t go without your usual sarnie then the selection is more interesting than most places. For example, try the prosciutto sandwich on a toasted ciabatta (£7.95), the salty ham mixing with tangy artichoke hearts, creamy mascarpone and crisp, peppery rocket. So much more than ‘just a sandwich’. To follow, try one of the patisseries. It’s all in the name, after all.

The Drink
Real fruit smoothies don’t come cheap at just under a fiver. If you want to save the pennies then the usual – and lengthy – selection of every kind of coffee you could ever want is better priced, with all varieties sneaking under the £5 mark. Otherwise, cold drinks comprise soft drinks and juices. What’s that? An ice cream sundae? Not unless you can stump up £6! Best hide that part of the menu from the kids.

The Last Word
Patisserie Valerie could be so much more. Instead, they’ve settled with being ‘vanilla’. A shame.

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